Coffee, Port and Barefoot Wine

I'm ordained, which is nice.

On June 12th, somewhere around 7:45 in the evening, at Salem's First (But Not Only) United Methodist Church, my Bishop laid his hands upon my head and told me to take authority, etc., etc.

The friends and family (1) who had gathered for the event gathered again the next evening at a lovely restaurant in downtown Portland. Wine was shared, good food was eaten, there was much laughter and even a bottle of 1983 Port. It was a fine celebration.

Once I returned home, the fine folks of my church also celebrated with me and, to commemorate the occasion, gave me a magnum of "Barefoot"(2) wine. While this clearly violated United Methodist discipline, it was a gracious and thoughtful gift, and I suspect that neither Jesus nor John (3) would object.

So, ordination having come and gone, where now?

I'm back in The Big, the holy odor of the ordination service having mostly worn off. And there's plenty to do.

We (the fine folks of the LGUMC and me) have decided to start a new worship service. An "emergent" worship, if you will. Aimed at the folks of La Grande who are spiritually hungry but a bit skeptical on the church thing. Or at least they're skeptical on the church thing as it's presently constituted.

And, since my return to La Grande, another bit of news. The new coffee shop (White House Coffee) located oh-so-conveniently next to the church has opened. In fact, I'm sitting there right now.

Since WHC has opened it's been a raving success. Always lots of folks around, a pleasant vibe and community-wide buzz. They've done an excellent job creating a welcoming space, decorating nicely (4) and serving good coffee and food. I've already made it my extension office. So much so that congregants who stop in for coffee or lunch expect to find me here.

What hath these three threads to do, one with the others? Let me attempt to weave mine answer.

We have a crapton of places in La Grande where one might buy coffee. Good coffee. And yet this place is never empty. Why? I think it's because the folks here at WHC have created a warm and welcoming place that feels both old and new. It feels comfortable. And there's this not-so-easily explained sense that I get when I walk in the doors (and that I suspect others experience, too): It feels communal. People walk in and want to be here with other folks. We may not always be in conversation, we White House Coffee Patrons, but we gladly share the space. That's really nothing earth-shaking - all of our favorite public places feel like that, I suspect. But there were precious few places around the LG like that.

I'm hopeful that this new worship gathering, whatever it turns out to be, captures some of the same feel. I hope people walk in and feel welcomed and comfortable and want to share the sacred space with others, both the folks they know and the folks not yet known.

It's a sad fact that our congregations have somehow NOT created places that feel as welcoming as our local coffee shops. (5) One might suggest it borders upon sin that we've made the Good News so unwelcoming and uptight. (6)

And what hath ordination to do with all of this?

Maybe I just wanted to celebrate in blogprint that I really did, after a couple of decades, get ordained. (Hooray me!)

But maybe there's something about the taking of authority, which the Bishop mentioned in passing at my ordination. Nothing has changed dramatically in how I see the world, the Church or my calling. But maybe it's that now I have an excuse to stop waiting around for someone to fix what I think is broken and get my butt in gear to do something new.

Or maybe that's just the caffeine from three mugs of WHC's finest Stumptown brew talking. Hard to tell.

Much peace, much love, too much coffee, etc.

Clay

(1) Actually, the assemblage of folks pleasantly blurred the line between these two categories. Should we call these kinds of people "Friemily?" "Famriends?"

(2) They chose "Barefoot" since I was ordained shoelessly, just as I was wed and will ask to be buried.

(3) Wesley, natch.

(4) One room is decorated with old photos of La Grande. At the table at which I sit, hanging 6 inches to my left is a photo of our church building, circa 1915. To my right, through the window and 60 feet away is the actual church building, circa 2010. It's an interesting place to sit and ponder our congregation's past, present and future.

(5) In a similar vein, my VBFFITWWW Johnny Flemmons once pointed out, amidst the brouhaha surrounding Harry Potter, that it might be a sin that we've taken the Gospel and made it so boring, that we don't tell it as well as Ms. Rowling tells her stories. I've always liked John's way of thinking.

(6) Let me hasten to add that I think that the fine folks of LGUMC are warm and welcoming; this is not a condemnation of us particularly. Rather, this seems a Church-wide issue. Not entirely of our making, perhaps, but our responsibility to confront and rectify.

Back in the Virtual Saddle

UP FRONT WARNING/TITILLATION - This post is rated PG-13ish (at least) for sexual content and definitely Not Safe for Grandmas. (So, Dad, please don't show this one to my sainted grandmother. She's probably not yet recovered from reading the word "badass" here a few months ago...)

It's been a while since I've sat down to put virtual pen to virtual paper - virtually a fortnight. I'll never make it to being a Blog of Note* at this rate. But I don't post pretty pictures very often, either, so I'm probably fighting that battle uphill**.

The reality is, I haven't had too much that seemed worth committing to cyber-paper. But that hardly seems a hindrance for teh blogosphere. So no excuse there.

Most of my favorite sportswriters (well, at least one, Blackie Sherrod of the very defunct Dallas Times Herald) would do a scattershooting column weekly or so, writing snippets of stories that weren't enough to fill a whole column on their own. I always liked reading those columns and thought I might try my cyber-hand at it. Forthwith, my theological/churchological cyber-scattershooting.

First up - SEX!

There is, I was surprised to find out, a sort of evangelical-Christian/pro-sex world out there. ("Pro" as in "for," rather than "pro" as in "professional," although I wouldn't be terribly surprised...) A high school friend posted a Facebook link to a Christian sex toy website. (It's weird to even write this phrase.) This being an opportunity one could scarcely forgo, I clicked the link. Looking around the site for "Book 22" (from the Song of Solomon, the 22nd book of the Bible and a dead sexy read...) I found links to several sites of a similar ilk.

Their premise is that sex between a husband and wife ought to be passionate and that toys and other such things can add to the passion. Okie dokie by me: whatever floats your latex ducky. But it is awfully weird to find a site with links called "What to Do with a Vibrator" and "The Roman Road - God's Path to Salvation." And some of the other sites were even more reality-shifting. One had a "techniques" section that made me blush, and that's going a ways.

To be honest, I'm sort of glad about this on a couple of fronts: 1) I'm glad that some of my conservative, evangelical brothers and sisters are recognizing that the Song of Solomon is more than a metaphorical poem of the love between Christ and the Church. (If it is just a metaphor for Christ and the Church, I've always been curious about the symbolism of the Church's breasts.) 2) I'm glad that some of my conservative, evangelical brothers and sisters are getting their freak on - sexuality is a good and beautiful gift from God. But honestly, the mental image of a young, earnestly conservative Christian newlywed couple sitting down to shop for sex toys together online is just kind of funny. My amusement aside, bully for them. (Now if we can just convince them that our gay brothers and sisters aren't out to destroy the nation...)

Elsewhere....

MOVIES!
Jen and I have seen two movies the last two nights - Australia and Gran Torino.

Australia is, as Jen and our amigo Peter both pointed out, like a musical without the music. Over-the-top drama and lots of pretty people posing in front of pretty scenery. But some folks seem to really like it. Bully for them. It might be worth seeing, if only for the scene of Hugh Jackman posing all Grecian-statue-like as he pours water over his half-naked body. Either you'll LOL at the cheesiness or you'll get all twitterpated over his hunkiness.

Gran Torino is a better film and, according to Mister Eastwood, his last as an actor. For a man whose screen persona is so deeply rooted in cheaply violent characters, Torino seems to be a reflection on and, perhaps, a condemnation of the myth of redemptive violence. I don't want to give too much away; you ought to go see it.

And whilst we're talking about movies, even though it's after Christmas, you should see Children of Men. It's the best movie I've seen for capturing the subversive themes of the Advent and Christmas stories in the Gospels. We showed it at my church on Boxing Day and folks seemed to enjoy it. (It's rated R, so your kiddos should stick to A Charlie Brown Christmas.)

TRAVEL
We depart to Arkansas on Sunday for to reconnect with some beloved friends/family. The New Gospel Gurus are pondering making an appearance, I'm aiming to get my friend Milton to speak Cajun and I plan on feasting like a Viking. All in all, it should be a good time.

BLOGS I NOTE
My VBFFITWWW Johnny Flemmons has a blog, but hasn't posted lately. Everyone should inundate him with emails asking for more blogging.

I just created a new shared blog about Christian spiritual practices for young adults (18-30ish). It's just starting, but if you're interested in reading and/or contributing, please check it out: Haunted by God.

FEELING MANLY
The Sububanator (our vehicle referenced in the title description above) started doing weird things on the way to and from Bend for a retreat last weekend. Yours Truly diagnosed the issue (a goofy thermostat) and thence proceeded to repair it on his very own. By Monday evening, the Suburbanator was purring as prettily as every he did and keeping his cool. I felt quite masculine and spent most of Monday evening grunting softly in celebration. Unfortunatley, the celebration only lasted until Thursday, when he started overheating again. Befuddled, I turned the situation over to more capable hands. Professional diagnosis: a leaky water pump, which is being repaired today, professionally. It was nice being manly while it lasted. Back to theologizing, wine collecting and fancy cooking for me.

SHOUT OUT
Finally, a shout out to all the fine folks in ICU at El Hospital de Kerrville who, apparently, are regular readers thanks to my little sister. What up, Nurses!

Well, that's probably enough for now. Hope your weekends are blessed, full of fun and maybe a wee bit o' Jesus.

much peace, much love, etc.
Clay

*"Blogs of Note" is a Blogspot promo thing, which I don't actually aspire to. But I do think that the phrase "Blog of Note" should always be read in that echo-y, impending doom, 50's movie voice...

**virtually.

Geeking Out, Counting Stats and Avoiding Cell Phones

Way back when I first started this blog (ummm, last week?), I made reference to the fact that I haven't ever owned a cell phone and hope to never own one. Most of my friends and colleagues (including my VBFFITWWW Johnny Flemmons) think that (1) this is strange and (2) this is because I want to feel morally superior to all of the sheepishly consumeristic masses who are brainwashed into chasing after the newest techno-sparkly i-thing.

About that second part:

It is true that I like feeling morally superior. It's like warm chocolate chip cookies and cold milk for the ego. The fact that my cell-phone-non-ownership is the only morally superior leg I have to stand on with my colleagues notwithstanding, I like choosing to do something different than our culture expects.* (It also makes me identify with my Amish brothers and sisters a wee bit more: plain folk represent!)

But here's the dirty secret about why I don't own a cell phone: if I did, I would be the most cell-phone-using, text-message-sending, phoning-while-driving-and-bored, app-downloading, 3-G-i-phone-debut-anticipating, waiting-in-line-to-buy-it dude what ever did stride across God's green earth. My technophobia is intended to be antidote for my highly geeky propensities. (That's right, I said "propensities;" and I said "stride" a few sentences back; I also use semicolons with abandon. What of it?)

Since I staked my claim to this tiny little corner of cyberspace, a few funny things have happened:

I blog about 10 times more frequently than I expected and about 50 times more frequently than is really morally (or even comedically) justified. I have checked daily (hourly, half-hourly, quarter-hourly!) for comments; I'm like a kid peeking out the window waiting for grandparents to arrive for a Christmas visit. I have downloaded and installed a bit of sotfware from Google to count visitors and compile statistics. I have waited with bated breath for my first statistical report. (11 unique visits yesterday, in case you weren't curious.) I have mulled themes for other blogs I could write. I have had conversations with my wife about my "followers," especially the mysterious "kt" who is the only one I don't know personally; or, at least, I don't know if I know "kt." (Bless her, my wife Jen is patient and mostly finds me amusing in my geeky moments.)

Worst of all, I have realized that I have entered that self-reflective/neurotic/narcissitic zone that (very rarely) produces great writing but almost always produces the sort of self-involved, not-that-interesting-or-amusing-or-unusual tripe that I had pledged to avoid. Oops.

Anyway, that's at the heart of why I don't have a cell phone. Because if I weren't slightly anti-techno-stuff (like with cell phones), I'd be over the top techno-OCD (like with el bloggo). And the world's a better place as things stand.

And maybe, just maybe, part of the reason we have such a hard time hearing God these days is that a voice that speaks in sheer silence chooses not to compete with the damnable Bluetooth shoved in our ear.

Thanks to my beloved friend Eilidh for the inspiration.

much peace, much love, etc.
Clay

*This is an awkwardly written, unnecessaily long setence. And it uses "stand" and "notwithstanding" in close proximity, which is irksome. But I'm leaving it. Take that, Junior High English teachers!

No cell phone, but a blog?

Welcome.

I've been thinking for a little while about starting a blog. And then today, my VBFFITWWW Johnny Flemmons sends an email saying, "Hey check out my new blog!" And, obviously, I want to be like Johnny Flemmons, so this was more than enough for me to actually start a blog for my very own self.

So, I signed up at blogspot, picked a blog format (from a wide variety of, like, 8!), and now I have a blog. Which is weird.

I have never owned a cell phone and I hope to die having never owned a cell phone. (Although, honestly, this seems unlikely. I suspect that the day is coming when we no longer think of them as "cell phones," but as just "phones." There won't be any other kind: "Wires? Why would you have a phone attached to wires???")

I don't Twitter, I have an abandoned MySpace page for our Campus Ministry (someone else is keeping it up now, I think...), and I don't have any kind of PDA/Crackberry. I don't own an i-Anything. I have a slighly anti-technology/Luddite bent. (Although, I am on Facebook, which is also weird, so maybe I'm not as anti-tech as I like to think: "Oh-hoo, look who knows so much! As it happens, your friend is only mostly-Luddite..."*)

And on top of that, I'm a pastor at a church, which means once a week I stand up in front of people and get to talk at them for 10 or 15 (and sometimes 20....) minutes. I write a monthly newsletter that gets sent to something like 170 homes. In church meetings, I get the privilege of speaking most often and with the most authorty. (I'm not sure it should be that way, but it is.) People sometimes call me and ask me what I think about an important issue in their lives. As a pastor, I have plenty of opportunities to communicate my thoughts to any number of people.

So why does technological skepticism + already ample opportunity for self-expression = "I need a blog?"

I wish I had a good answer. But the best that I can come up with is this two-fold stab in the dark: (1) maybe I can blog about stuff that doesn't fit into sermons or newsletters and (2) maybe this will connect me with folks that aren't in my somewhat geographically-and-worldview-limited circle. I hope that if I do connect with folks outside of said circle, it will be conversationally rather than monologically. (Yes, monologically. "Check out the big brain on Clay!"**)

So, I'm going to blog and see what happens. Maybe nothing. Maybe a world-wide revolution for peace, love and sarcasm, with my writing providing both the inspiration and the idealogical underpinnings. Probably (hopefully) something in between.

I have a blog and a Facebook page. Can a cell phone be far behind? Dear Lord, I hope not.

much peace, much love, etc.
Clay

PS - Johnny Flemmons' blog can be found at http://www.revjohnf.blogspot.com/. He has a better format than me.

*I'd like to think that I'm too cool to drop movie references in my conversations or writing, but I'm not. The Princess Bride seems to pop up a lot.

**Pulp Fiction pops up some, too. Well, Samuel L. Jackson quotes do, anyway.