16 January, 2009

Back in the Virtual Saddle

UP FRONT WARNING/TITILLATION - This post is rated PG-13ish (at least) for sexual content and definitely Not Safe for Grandmas. (So, Dad, please don't show this one to my sainted grandmother. She's probably not yet recovered from reading the word "badass" here a few months ago...)

It's been a while since I've sat down to put virtual pen to virtual paper - virtually a fortnight. I'll never make it to being a Blog of Note* at this rate. But I don't post pretty pictures very often, either, so I'm probably fighting that battle uphill**.

The reality is, I haven't had too much that seemed worth committing to cyber-paper. But that hardly seems a hindrance for teh blogosphere. So no excuse there.

Most of my favorite sportswriters (well, at least one, Blackie Sherrod of the very defunct Dallas Times Herald) would do a scattershooting column weekly or so, writing snippets of stories that weren't enough to fill a whole column on their own. I always liked reading those columns and thought I might try my cyber-hand at it. Forthwith, my theological/churchological cyber-scattershooting.

First up - SEX!

There is, I was surprised to find out, a sort of evangelical-Christian/pro-sex world out there. ("Pro" as in "for," rather than "pro" as in "professional," although I wouldn't be terribly surprised...) A high school friend posted a Facebook link to a Christian sex toy website. (It's weird to even write this phrase.) This being an opportunity one could scarcely forgo, I clicked the link. Looking around the site for "Book 22" (from the Song of Solomon, the 22nd book of the Bible and a dead sexy read...) I found links to several sites of a similar ilk.

Their premise is that sex between a husband and wife ought to be passionate and that toys and other such things can add to the passion. Okie dokie by me: whatever floats your latex ducky. But it is awfully weird to find a site with links called "What to Do with a Vibrator" and "The Roman Road - God's Path to Salvation." And some of the other sites were even more reality-shifting. One had a "techniques" section that made me blush, and that's going a ways.

To be honest, I'm sort of glad about this on a couple of fronts: 1) I'm glad that some of my conservative, evangelical brothers and sisters are recognizing that the Song of Solomon is more than a metaphorical poem of the love between Christ and the Church. (If it is just a metaphor for Christ and the Church, I've always been curious about the symbolism of the Church's breasts.) 2) I'm glad that some of my conservative, evangelical brothers and sisters are getting their freak on - sexuality is a good and beautiful gift from God. But honestly, the mental image of a young, earnestly conservative Christian newlywed couple sitting down to shop for sex toys together online is just kind of funny. My amusement aside, bully for them. (Now if we can just convince them that our gay brothers and sisters aren't out to destroy the nation...)


Jen and I have seen two movies the last two nights - Australia and Gran Torino.

Australia is, as Jen and our amigo Peter both pointed out, like a musical without the music. Over-the-top drama and lots of pretty people posing in front of pretty scenery. But some folks seem to really like it. Bully for them. It might be worth seeing, if only for the scene of Hugh Jackman posing all Grecian-statue-like as he pours water over his half-naked body. Either you'll LOL at the cheesiness or you'll get all twitterpated over his hunkiness.

Gran Torino is a better film and, according to Mister Eastwood, his last as an actor. For a man whose screen persona is so deeply rooted in cheaply violent characters, Torino seems to be a reflection on and, perhaps, a condemnation of the myth of redemptive violence. I don't want to give too much away; you ought to go see it.

And whilst we're talking about movies, even though it's after Christmas, you should see Children of Men. It's the best movie I've seen for capturing the subversive themes of the Advent and Christmas stories in the Gospels. We showed it at my church on Boxing Day and folks seemed to enjoy it. (It's rated R, so your kiddos should stick to A Charlie Brown Christmas.)

We depart to Arkansas on Sunday for to reconnect with some beloved friends/family. The New Gospel Gurus are pondering making an appearance, I'm aiming to get my friend Milton to speak Cajun and I plan on feasting like a Viking. All in all, it should be a good time.

My VBFFITWWW Johnny Flemmons has a blog, but hasn't posted lately. Everyone should inundate him with emails asking for more blogging.

I just created a new shared blog about Christian spiritual practices for young adults (18-30ish). It's just starting, but if you're interested in reading and/or contributing, please check it out: Haunted by God.

The Sububanator (our vehicle referenced in the title description above) started doing weird things on the way to and from Bend for a retreat last weekend. Yours Truly diagnosed the issue (a goofy thermostat) and thence proceeded to repair it on his very own. By Monday evening, the Suburbanator was purring as prettily as every he did and keeping his cool. I felt quite masculine and spent most of Monday evening grunting softly in celebration. Unfortunatley, the celebration only lasted until Thursday, when he started overheating again. Befuddled, I turned the situation over to more capable hands. Professional diagnosis: a leaky water pump, which is being repaired today, professionally. It was nice being manly while it lasted. Back to theologizing, wine collecting and fancy cooking for me.

Finally, a shout out to all the fine folks in ICU at El Hospital de Kerrville who, apparently, are regular readers thanks to my little sister. What up, Nurses!

Well, that's probably enough for now. Hope your weekends are blessed, full of fun and maybe a wee bit o' Jesus.

much peace, much love, etc.

*"Blogs of Note" is a Blogspot promo thing, which I don't actually aspire to. But I do think that the phrase "Blog of Note" should always be read in that echo-y, impending doom, 50's movie voice...



  1. All this from a skinny kid who use to play football with me on a patch of green grass in a little dusty west Texas town, for which was the site of many one on one football battles and "wall walking" expeditions that would only seem to occur, and sadly I might add, during Thanksgiving and Christmas. KUDOS Bro..

  2. re: Australia - I got all twitterpated (is that a word?) - must go see sex toys now...